ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
