So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
