Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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