were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he shaved USA in his pubs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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