Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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