shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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