my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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