And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
