Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
