My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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