my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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