Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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