cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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