...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
