Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
