Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
