"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
