that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
