its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
