I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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