saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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