Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
