Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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