I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
