Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
