well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
