So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
