Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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