sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
