She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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