I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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