i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
