Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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