That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
