you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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