I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
