I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
