Don't make out with my wife yet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
