She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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