Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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