This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
