Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
