we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
