Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
