I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
