All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
