4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
