Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
