Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
