dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
