Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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