I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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