best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
