I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
