but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
