I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
