so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize