Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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