Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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