I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
