3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
