i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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