I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
