He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You took a bar mat shot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
