Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
