I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
