Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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